


When They Were Not Themselves

by viciouswishes



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-05
Updated: 2006-07-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 11:18:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3118223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viciouswishes/pseuds/viciouswishes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Johnny Cash Ficathon and inspired by the lyrics to "Delia's Gone." After undergoing an alien ritual, Sheppard and Teyla find unseen consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When They Were Not Themselves

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: alizarin_nyc  
> Setting: Post-"Underground."

Every planet had their rituals. When Teyla first met Sheppard, she drank stout tea before dawn with him. Until she started exploring with the Atlantean team, the worst ritual Teyla had to endure was the Genii’s Harvest Festival. Made worse only in reflection of who the Genii were found to be. But many peoples carried more startling rituals, and Teyla would never forget when Ford was traded for an elder’s daughter. Sheppard had insisted that it was an accident.

Here, on P3X-455, the people worshipped not the Ancients, but their ancestors. Which Teyla had assumed were the Ancients, until High Priestess Maia had explained that the founders of their civilization had killed the Ancients for their sovereignty. Teyla had felt a cold knot in her stomach since then.

But Sheppard, as usual, worked his charm on Maia. Only Teyla noticed that Sheppard's body never quiet relaxed and his hand never moved far from his sidearm.

"We have a ritual," Maia began to explain.

Sheppard smiled. "Of course, you have a ritual." He said it in a way that signaled her to go ahead and tell them where and when they should start participating. And soon Maia laid out the entire process of how new trading partners were made by learning the stories of their greatest ancestors, Hero and Delia, and that they only needed two participants.

"Their hero's name is Hero. How original," Teyla heard McKay mumble under his breath.

When they were shown the device through which this history was received, even Teyla could tell that it was Ancient technology. McKay scanned it, and she knew that he wished to deconstruct it and play with it. "It's probably some sort of holographic technology from the Ancients," McKay said.

"Is it safe?" Sheppard asked.

"I assure you, Major Sheppard, many others have used this device before," said Maia, "and no one's ever suffered. It's a life experience. I've been through it myself."

Sheppard's hand was nearer to his sidearm than it had been a moment ago. "You sure this isn't the device that downloaded itself into General O'Neill's brain?"

McKay nodded. "Major, I know all the schematics of all the Ancient devices that the SGC found before we left. Not to mention various devices from other cultures. Judging by the stone buildings, I'm not worried. This one appears to only be a virtual reality generator."

"Who's doing this with me?" Sheppard asked. Teyla understood how as a leader, Sheppard felt the need to volunteer himself, but she was worried about his eagerness. It had caused problems in the past, but neither he nor McKay ever turned down the chance to try Ancient technology.

"I will," Teyla said. "Dr. McKay should monitor us, and Ford can keep watch."

As they arranged themselves around the device, Teyla felt trepidation and anxiety. But she pushed those away into the back of her mind, never letting her face betray her, and she concentrated on relaxing. The device would only access her mind, not her body. None of it would be truly real.

*****

She heard Sheppard's voice calling her name.

Teyla opened her eyes, both warrior-ready and curious to see what the people of P3X-455 wanted to share with them. She and Sheppard were alone in what looked to be a simple wooden house. There was a dinning room table near a window, a bed in the corner by a fireplace, and two chairs.

Sheppard's hand was again near his thigh, but he had no weapon or vest. Neither of them did.

"I appear to be unharmed," Teyla said. She moved toward the door, but the handle did not budge. "It seems we are wanted here." She started to feel unease. Even on Atlantis, she had the freedom of the outdoors, to feel the ocean's spray or the wind from the mainland.

Sheppard nodded and instinctively tried to use his radio, only it wasn't there. His hand brushed the pitcher of water on the table. "Would you like a glass?"

"I would love one." Teyla smiled and moved toward Sheppard. She felt warm and Sheppard's smile seemed particular inviting. Their dinner next to the waterfront yesterday had been lovely, the flowers in perfect bloom.

Pouring them both a glass, Sheppard handed her one. "To us."

"May our victory live on in the songs of our people," Teyla said.

Sheppard touched his glass to hers. "And for all to know of our love." They both drank in celebration. It was not water, but a dry white wine.

Teyla grinned at Sheppard, her mouth wide and feral. "I have missed our time alone, Hero." She placed her empty glass on the counter.

"Me too." Sheppard captured her mouth in a kiss. Part of Teyla's mind told her that something -- that this -- was very wrong and another part was surprised at just how very right it felt. She moaned when Sheppard began to undo the strings on her shirt.

Teyla's tongue pushed passed his lips. Her hands traveled over his clothed chest, all too familiar.

Breaking their kiss, Sheppard looked at her. His eyes were confused. "Teyla?"

Teyla stepped back, remembering who she was, who they were. "I'm sorry, Major. I do not know what overcame me." She quickly tied up her shirt.

Sheppard frowned, his lips still red and swollen. "Yeah. The feeling's mutual. Must be something to do with those alien warriors."

Teyla nodded. This was not one of the side effects of the device she had anticipated. "I did refer to you as Hero."

"It was after I touched the pitcher." Sheppard reached out and touched it again. Nothing happened. "Well great. I wonder how we get out of this thing. I don't see any escape button."

Teyla once again tried the door. "It is still locked." She could regain her composure by searching for a way out. A task to take her mind off the kiss she had shared with Sheppard, when he was not himself.

"What about this window." Sheppard knelt on the bed to reach across it. "It's been far too long since we've been alone. I've missed this."

"As have I." Teyla joined him on the bed, moving to rid Sheppard of his shirt. "I am surprised we made it passed the front door."

"There are some things I want you to leave out of your songs."

Teyla chuckled, her hands running over his chest hair. This time with him was hers alone. "Some songs I will only sing for you, my husband."

As they rid themselves of their clothing, Teyla shuddered with anticipation and almost embarrassment. Nudity had never been a problem for her in the past, and she was unsure why it was now, especially in his presence.

Sheppard placed kisses over her breasts, each of his hands cupping them. "You're so beautiful, Delia," he muttered. He rubbed his hard cock against the crook of her thigh.

"I want you." Teyla leaned up to kiss him, wiggling her hips into a better position to take him inside of her.

Sheppard's tongue slipped into her mouth as his cock entered her body. Teyla moaned. Her nails dug into his shoulders. She moved against him, knowing that this was meant to be: always and forever.

*****

Teyla stumbled; that was the first thing she remembered when the device released her and Maia assured the other team members that the device had worked. There was ground underneath her feet, yet she faltered.

Her hand was several inches away from Sheppard's; yet, she felt his presence, his breath against her cheek, his...

Ford touched her arm and asked about her well-being. Teyla shivered and nodded. "I believe that I am okay." She couldn't turn toward Sheppard or McKay, who was by his side.

But she could hear him assuring McKay that he was fine, that it was nothing more than a simulation, a story of heroes. Maia thanked them. Teyla stopped listening. Stopped caring about the trade negotiations. She walked to the Gate, eager to see Atlantis again.

*****

When Beckett cleared them medically, Teyla stopped holding her breath. She wanted a shower, a nap, and a meal. Teyla was not worried about the debriefing as she knew there were certain things that Sheppard kept from the mission reports. He would not embarrass her.

But that did not mean it would escape the eyes of Heightmeyer whom Teyla had not formally met until Beckett called her in. Teyla still did not consider what happened to be real, only something that had happened in her mind where it became another secret. One that only she and Sheppard needed to know.

Perhaps this time, Teyla would welcome unburdening herself of the secret. Though she did not know if she was ready to let another soul know. If she had been the only one affected, Teyla would have gladly sat in Heightmeyer's counsel; however, this also involved Sheppard.

"Teyla," she heard Heightmeyer saying, "I know this is hard for you. Both you and John are very personal people. You both must show continued strength for the team and for your people. But I need to know what happened." Teyla stood her ground and said nothing. There was nothing to say.

Sheppard did not show up for their sparring session the next morning. Perhaps, it was the right thing to do. They both needed a while to cool down, away from one another. Things would be better during meals, surrounded by their friends. Even if McKay and Ford had no idea what had transpired through the alien device beyond a story of Hero and Delia.

When they sat alone in the mess, Teyla could not look at Sheppard. They sat in silence across from one another and waited for Ford, McKay, or even Dr. Zelenka to join them. This silence was an odd feeling. Teyla had never felt shame from sex before, and she imagined that neither had Sheppard. She sighed with relief when Weir sat down with them.

*****

Two days of avoiding Sheppard, Teyla ran into him when she was coming back from the mess with a cup of tea to calm her nerves. Weir had mentioned that something called Chamomile was a gentle sleep aide. Just the sight of him stalking down the hallway made her wish she had grabbed more than one tea bag.

"Teyla," Sheppard said, nodding at her. She smiled and greeted him, hoping to slip inside her quarters before he said anything else. But Sheppard stopped and turned around. "Hey, Teyla, can we..." He raised his fingers and gestured in a way that Teyla assumed meant he wanted to talk.

"Of course." Teyla moved into her quarters, feeling Sheppard behind her. She had not been this unnerved since her first days on Atlantis.

When she turned back to look at Sheppard, Teyla saw that he was just as apprehensive as she was. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry," he said. "I know that none of this was our fault, but I thought I'd let you know that I'd never do something like that to you."

"I know that, John." Teyla watched him stiffen when she used his first name. "Both of our bodies and our trust were violated with that device. It is the people of that world who should apologize, not you or I." She had not realized how real their experience had been until looking at Sheppard again. They had been manipulated and abused.

They stood in silence for a while. Teyla guessed that Sheppard would have nothing to say. According to Heightmeyer, men like him did not often have their bodies violated. The Athosians, on the other hand, lived in constant fear of having their life forced sucked out by the Wraith.

"So," Sheppard said, "sparring tomorrow?"

Routine would do them both well. "8 a.m. as usual." Teyla smiled at him. It felt wonderful to be moving beyond what had happened, to be remembering just how much she cared for Sheppard.

"Friends?" He held out his hand in the custom of his people.

"Always," Teyla responded as she took his hand in hers. Yes, Sheppard was her friend, and when she saw him she wished to think of her friend, not the alien force that had possessed him.

Sheppard turned and moved to the door. But before it opened for him, he stopped. "One more thing," he said, pivoting around, "don't ever do that again." His hand drew his weapon out faster than Teyla could react and he shot her.

Teyla felt the bullet pierce her side, and she fell to the ground in pain. In shock.

"You didn't think I'd find out." Sheppard stood over her; his gun still pointed at her. "Delia. Delia. I would've married you, but then you had to go and give our battle secrets away."

They were in the room with the chair and the bed again, only this time the sky was not blue outside. Teyla yelped as Sheppard pulled her up by her hair. "I should have poisoned you," Teyla hissed between gritted teeth.

"Sorceress." Sheppard shoved her into the wooden chair and ripped the long tendrils of her skirt to tie her there.

"You should not have had sex with that barmaid." Teyla tried to kick Sheppard as he bound her feet. But the pain in her ribs had weakened her resolve and she could only make one attempt to shout for help before Sheppard bound her mouth.

Sheppard stood back from her, satisfied that Teyla couldn't move. "Women don't tell men what they can and cannot do. You know that, Delia."

Teyla was woozy. No doubt, the blood loss had begun to take its toll on her body. Sheppard knew that his first shot would not kill her. He wanted her to suffer. As Sheppard raised his gun again, to deliver the final shot, Teyla passed out.

*****

Teyla woke up in the infirmary in a haze. A thankful haze as the memories trickled back to her. Sheppard had shot her, but she didn't feel pain. A glance at her torso confirmed that she was wounded.

"How are you feeling, love?" Beckett asked.

"I have seen better days," Teyla said. She watched Beckett frown. "Where is Major Sheppard?"

"Confined to his quarters with guards posted outside. We can't be sure that the device isn't still having an effect on either of you."

Teyla nodded. It was a logical motive. She listened as Beckett explained how Bates had heard the first shot from Sheppard's gun and stopped him before he could fire again. How Sheppard had dropped his sidearm when Bates interfered with them. And all Bates had to do was yell.

"How's our patient?" Weir asked as she approached the bed. Heightmeyer was at her heels.

"The closest I can come to for a diagnosis is hypnotization," Beckett said. "They appeared fine until they went into the hypnotized state. This is really more Dr. Heightmeyer's specialty than mine."

"I can't say that hypnotization is a certified..."

Teyla closed her eyes, knowing that she needed to rest and that between the three of them they would figure it out. She suspected that they would all soon be making a trip back to that planet.

*****

Peter Grodin came to Teyla's bedside to deliver the latest news on Weir's negotiations with P3X-455. He said that Weir'd been kicking ass and taking names. "Apparently, the notion that their ancestors were less than perfect was causing quite a scandal," Grodin said. "Weir might've insinuated that she was going to gossip about their ancestors."

"I can imagine." Teyla tried not to wish vengeance on Maia and her people. She had been leery of them since they explained that their ancestors had killed the Ancients. Teyla lived and worked with those who would almost give anything to talk to a real, live Ancient. "I see you brought me jello. I assume it has been cleared by Dr. Beckett. He does rule his infirmary with an iron fist."

"I heard that, missy," Beckett said. He sat at his desk, eating a sandwich and typing on his laptop.

Teyla smiled and ignored Beckett. "I appreciate you coming to visit me, Peter. Some of the others have been uncomfortable around me."

"You should see the way they act around Major Sheppard." Grodin touched his headset as a message came over it. Teyla watched as his expression became hopeful and then worried. She knew that she was part of his discussion with whoever was on the other end. "They got it. Weir, Ford, and McKay are on their way with the device. Zelenka took it apart pretty quickly. They're also bringing Sheppard."

Teyla heard the clunk of Sheppard's chains before she saw him. He hadn't shaved in days and there were dark circles under his eyes. Standing at the foot her bed, he said, "Saying I'm sorry I shot you just doesn't sound right. I know, not my fault. Not our fault. But I am," he attempted to lift his hands to gesture, "sorry."

"Major, I meant when I said before-" Teyla was cut off as Weir, Ford, McKay, and Zelenka entered with the device. She heard Zelenka angrily mutter in Czech about something between the name, 'McKay.'

McKay placed the device on a pushcart near Teyla. "You better have this figured out. I should've been the one working on it. But no, the botanists decided that today was the best one to Miracle-Gro their hybrid vines and wouldn't it be fun for them to overrun and ruin essential lab equipment." McKay sighed. "This better be right, Radek. It's not like we have a happy alien priestess who will eagerly show us how it works."

"They essentially stole it," Ford said. And somehow that didn't surprise Teyla. She'd wondered why Bates had come in with a sprained ankle hours earlier. He'd claimed to be sparring with Freedman.

Weir's face tightened. "They were not pleased at the information we had about their ancestors."

"It was a good thing they only had swords," Ford added.

"Lieutenant." Weir held up her hand to stop him. Turning toward Teyla, she said, "Dr. Zelenka assures me that if you and John both place your hands on the device, John's gene should activate it. Maia seemed convinced that you had not finished the simulation, but wasn't convinced that you could've come out without finishing it."

"It's possibly something to do with the ATA gene," Zelenka said. "It's actually very interesting considering that they-"

"Let's get this over with," Sheppard interrupted them. Teyla could feel Sheppard's uneasiness since the moment the device had entered the room. He held his shackled hands over it.

Teyla's hands joined his.

*****

"I think I was just here." Sheppard sat inside a jail cell or what looked to be one with dark metal bars.

Teyla stood on the other side of it. Her feet, which were bare, felt cold on the wooden floor. "It does seem like a prison, and I do not see a key, lock, or door to your cell."

Sheppard sighed and put his head in his hands. "Great."

"Perhaps, we need to figure out the ending, since Dr. Zelenka seemed sure that your ATA gene interrupted the device's flow." Teyla wished she had a chair to sit in. Even though she knew this was not real, her body was still weak from her injury. "Hero killed Delia out of jealously and vengeance."

"She gave away his military secrets to a new lover. He wanted to kill her," Sheppard said.

"She never thought that he would hurt her. He loved her so much, and she knew that. When he shot her, she went into shock from disbelief. I believe she still loved him."

"It must've been an Ancient weapon."

Teyla nodded. "Then Hero killed her. But that wasn't the end." She glanced around the room. It seemed to be as sealed as the last ones had been. "She haunted him."

"He loved her." Sheppard stood and walked toward the bars. "She wouldn't let him be."

Moving, Teyla stood across from him, her hand touching his, holding his, through the bars. "She would never let him be."

"He went insane a long time before he was executed. Hearing you every night walking the hallways." Sheppard's eyes flared with desperation and need. He still wanted her.

Teyla smiled, wicked and abandoned. "It was your rightful punishment." And she cackled.

*****

"It is done," Teyla said as soon as her hands moved from Sheppard's, off the device. "You can take the Major's chains off."

"Do you feel different?" Heightmeyer asked. She must have come in while they were under.

Sheppard nodded. "It's resolved." He was blanched and shaking as Ford undid his restraints. Teyla wondered when he’d last eaten a full meal.

They both waited as Beckett scanned them and Heightmeyer asked them another round of questions. Weir made a polite escape early on, and McKay and Zelenka retreated back to the labs with the device, arguing about what else they could use it for. But Ford stayed by their sides; Teyla knew that he was trying to protect her, to protect Sheppard and her from each other, in case it hadn't worked.

Three hours and many needle pokes later, Teyla and Sheppard were cleared medically and each had made a follow up appointment with Heightmeyer.

"Since we're done here, I was thinking of getting dinner," Sheppard said. "Good night, Teyla." He turned to leave, walking slower than she'd expected.

"John?" Teyla knew that they needed to push forward and away from this. She didn't want to go back to avoiding him in the hallways, and now she had his full attention. "I was thinking that I would like to spend a few days on the mainland, visiting my people."

"Seems fair." They both needed rest after their ordeal.

"I was wondering if you would teach me how to surf." Teyla smiled at his pleasantly surprised face. She wondered if he was thinking about the ocean's waves.

"We can do that. We can definitely do that as soon as the Doc clears you."

Teyla didn't watch as Sheppard left the room. Instead, she settled back down against her pillows and reached for her half-eaten jello. It was warm, but still sweet. She felt at ease, like she was healing. That she had asked Sheppard to teach her to surf. That she could turn her head toward the sun again and run in the morning.


End file.
